How to Transform Enemies into Allies

This is a game that my friend invented, similar to an indigenous American tradition of ‘killing the enemy’. When someone in the tribe had a troubling issue with another person, the elders would gather for them, and the querent, along with his family and friends would begin the ceremony.

Each person present would describe the other, the ‘enemy’, recounting of what they knew to be the qualities and virtues of the enemy. For example, “I know them to be a nurturing parent”, or “He’s a skilled craftsman”, and, “He’s good to have by your side in a battle”.

Of course by the time everyone had spoken, the issue was on its way to resolved because the querent was able to see their enemy in a new, appreciative light.

The real secret is that the querent themselves began to relate to those same virtues in themselves, and so change the focus of their attention.

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The Depletion Game – Questions

With the depletion game we are able to transform our ‘enemies’ into guides.

The way it works is similar to why we stay healthy, or sometimes get a cold. There’s tiny creatures passing through our systems constantly, and when we’re healthy they pass right through. If there’s stress in a particular area, this is when channels get blocked and our immune system needs to step up a notch. Usually, we then feel clearer.

When we get ourselves in a stitch about other people, it’s because something about our perception of them is resonating with something in us, dissonantly.

The depletion game is composed of the writing out of three questions and three translations of the answers you will provide. It allows us to identify these dissonances in our own attitude, and release them.

It can be done with one person or as many as you can comfortably fit onto the page.

The beauty of this game lies in it’s clarity and simplicity.

Here are the questions, as you will write them out:

Q1. What depletes me about them?

Q2. What do I want from them?

Q3. What do they need from me?

Get a loose sheet of paper, (so you can easily discard it later), and turn it landscape.

Write the person’s name on the left hand side, and write the three questions out along the top. Follow this link for the Depletion_Game_Grid.

Then write in your answers. Allow your thoughts and feeling to flow onto the page.

Be as specific as possible. If you feel the urge to let off some steam and have a written rant, feel free to do so, remembering to be concise and to the point.

The first time that you play the game, write out all your answers, and then go to Part 2.

P.S. As a general rule, play the game with only one name at a time.

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